Hello. I'm Lisa.
I'm a tech geek by day
and a do-gooder by night.
About me- I like to speak in public
- Awards and whatever
- ThickDumplingSkin.com
- Me on Facebook
- And Twitter
- Ok fine, and Instagram
- I like you. Send me a message?
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About me
FACEBOOK
I am a diversity program manager at Facebook. I also launched & chair the AAPIs @ Facebook employee resource group.
HYPHEN
From 2008 - 2011, I was the pro bono publisher of Hyphen magazine, an award-winning Asian American arts, culture, and politics print magazine + website. I joined the organization in 2007 and doubled the organization's annual budget through development and fundraising efforts that I implemented and supervised. The all-volunteer run organization is now finally able to compensate some contributors to the magazine. Under my leadership, Hyphen also embarked on marketing efforts that doubled its readership. In 2010, along with the Strategic Planning Committee, I helped Hyphen to successfully complete its first three-year strategic plan.
THICK DUMPLING SKIN
In February 2011, after writing about my unhealthy quest for thinness in an issue of Hyphen, I cofounded Thick Dumpling Skin with actress Lynn Chen. TDS is a community forum dedicated to discussing body image issues and eating disorders in the Asian American community. The site is frequented by more than 4,000 unique readers each month and was named by Audrey Magazine as one of the best blogs of 2011. In April 2013, Lynn and I were profiled in Marie Claire.EDUCATION
I received my BA(s) at UC Berkeley in Theatre and Performance Studies and Mass Communications. I was involved with Theatre Rice, an Asian American theatre troupe on campus. I also danced with a group called Truelement and DJed at KALX.
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I like to speak in public
- I speak and lead workshops on a few topics for college students, young professionals and nonprofit managers (e.g. Asian American media, leveraging social media, and doing what you love while giving a damn).Hit me up. I would love to speak at your event.
"Lisa Lee is a dynamic speaker and facilitator on social media marketing. She has a remarkable compassion for helping people in underserved communities understand the power of new technologies. Her curiosity about the barriers that people face pushes her to think deeper and find solutions and resources for them. Lisa is a thought leader of her generation." - Janice L., Development and Communications Director, Urban SolutionsPartial list of where I've spoken:AS THICK DUMPLING'S COFOUNDER- East Coast & Midwest Intercollegiate Taiwanese American Student Association (ITASA) Conference '12
- Master's Tea @ Yale University '11
- National Eating Disorder Conference - Teen Summit '11
AS A SOCIAL MEDIA GEEK- Cybermarketing Conference '12 (Presented by Urban Solutions)
- Nat'l Japanese American Citizen's League (JACL) Convention '10
AS HYPHEN'S (FORMER) PUBLISHER- Williams College '11
- Asian McDonald's Operators Association/Asian Business Symposium '10
- Bamboo (Professional and Leadership Program Presented by the Organization of Chinese Americans) '09
- East Coast & Midwest Intercollegiate Taiwanese American Student Association (ITASA) Conference '12
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Awards and whatever
- AWARDS ETC.
- Asian Pacific Heritage “Emerging Leader” Award '11
- Certificate of Special Congressional Recognition in recognition of outstanding and invaluable service to the community
- Certificate of Honor from Board of Supervisors of San Francisco – Public recognition of distinction and merit for outstanding service
- 7x7.com Hot 20 Under 40 Reader’s Choice Top 5 Finalist ’10
- AngryAsianMan.com 30 under 30 most influential Asian Americans in ‘09
- AAPIs @ Facebook
- National Asian Pacific American Women's Forum
- Asian Americans for Civil Rights and Equality
INTERVIEWS- National Public Radio, Tell Me More: Asian Americans and the Quest for Thin
Check out other interviews and press on Thick Dumpling Skin's Press Page. - Asian Pacific Heritage “Emerging Leader” Award '11
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Posts
- Going to WonderCon?
Co-founder Lynn Chen will be speaking on the All Shapes and Sizes Welcome Panel at WONDERCON 2013 in Anaheim - this Saturday, March 30th with Leah Cevoli, Adrianne Curry, Amber Krzys, Miracle Laurie, and Helenna Santos Levy.
These outspoken actresses, models, writers, and entrepreneurs will share openly their own journey with body image, eating disorders, and the road to recovery and self-love. The panel will address the sexualization of women in the industry and also discuss healthy lifestyles and acceptance for women of all shapes and sizes, while inspiring others to get out there and live their best life.
WHERE: Anaheim Convention Center
800 W. Katella Ave., Anaheim, CA 92802
WHEN: Saturday, March 30th, 2pm - The New Change Agents That is Us
Excuse the braggy title, but our Marie Claire profile in “The New Change Agents” is now up online. And apparently on the front page of MarieClaire.com too.
Look ma, it’s us!
Of course, this would not have happened without all of your support, so thank you, again, for sharing yourself with this community. We mean this more than we can express.
Read the entire profile here.
Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. Here are some behind-the-scenes photos from our shoot in NYC with Marie Claire! There are some taken by Lisa, and some taken by Lynn.
Jeff Riedel was our photographer, Dennis Fei did our hair, and Allie Smith was the makeup artist. They sure made us look good.
You can read more about the food/travel part over at The Actor’s Diet.
- A Goal Come True
Lynn and I are stoked to share with you all that WE ARE IN THE APRIL 2013 ISSUE OF MARIE CLAIRE!
Yes, that Marie Claire.
It’s out, finally. We hated keeping secrets from you, especially during that mysterious trip to New York in January where Lynn and I met up for the MC photoshoot.
But, no more secrets.
We are now all yours… to pick up at your nearest newsstand!
At the beginning of the year, we were approached by Helen Coster about profiling us for “The New Change Agents” story for MC. We were pleasantly surprised, honored, and beyond thrilled.
We emailed and texted each other back and forth in excitement, reminding each other that this was a goal of ours. People often ask us what we hope to accomplish with this site, and we’ve always said that we wanted to get Asian American body image issues and eating disorders out into the open, onto mainstream media outlets, and we want to make sure that non-Asian Americans (and Asian Americans themselves) are learning about these issues.
So at two years old, we can proudly tell you that we hit a milestone, and we hope that you’re proud of us too!
Behind the scenes post coming next, so stay tuned. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram to get more more BTS images (@mslynnchen and @rrrlisarrr).
We’ll post the online article as soon as it’s available.
Thank you Helen Coster and MC for giving us a platform to share the work that we do. This type of coverage in the female community is so important. We want to look good, but more importantly, we want to do (and are fully capable of doing) good.
- Lisa and Lynn
P.S. There is a minor mistake in the write up. Let us know if you find it. ;)
- Love Letter from Jessi
“Since we all came from a women, got our name from a women, and our game from a women. I wonder why we take from women, why we rape our women, do we hate our women? – Tupac Shakur
I am a woman lover. I love women. All women. And not just in a feminist, girl power kind of way, in a tell the “bigger” tired looking girl working at Starbucks she has beautiful eyes because even if just for a second, she will change the way she feels about her self, kind of way. I enjoy making women feel good about themselves, even if in small subtle ways. What if all women practiced something like this? What if we all empowered each other to think positively about our own bodies? What if we didn’t need men to make us feel beautiful?
This year, I wanted my paintings to make a statement. I chose to embark on a campaign entitled “Women Are Perfect! (If You Let Them)”. The idea stemmed from watching my brother’s wife survive her pregnancy, her body morphing into a perfect vessel to further not only the future generations of my family, but of the world. In awe, I remember I kept saying to my mother “women are so perfect”. I’m the baby of the family and know nothing about kids or pregnancies or breast-feeding. I watched her sacrifice her body for those 9 months, and now that Diego is born, he STILL cannot survive without her, for it is the very milk that comes from her body that nurtures him to grow. We were made perfect.
Every woman I paint is unique. She’s thick or 8 colors, or pregnant. Naked, brown, black, or telling the world a message that’s important to her. Every woman deserves the chance to be represented in the art world. This project began as a message to men telling them that they need to check themselves and allow women to be their true perfect selves. After all, “you can’t walk in a straight line if the road is crooked.” But after painting for 14 hours a day and talking to different women about my project, it became apparent that my message needed to be directed towards women, towards ourselves.
I believe that everything I’m saying about women here is true, not revolutionary or controversial in any way. But it is. People have a problem with the words “women are perfect”. People believe the word perfect has a negative connotation, which stems from deeper oppression in itself. Whenever I tell a woman I love she is perfect, it is hard for her to take that compliment. She merely bows her head, shrugs and says, “No no. No I’m not.”
What if every women thought they were perfect? What if every woman walked down the street accepting and loving whoever they are, instead of doubting their thighs and overthinking if they should’ve eaten that cupcake for lunch? How far would we get as a race then?
We need to believe in ourselves as women. We need to think about what it is that is keeping us from believing and owning the fact that WE ARE PERFECT. We were made this way, for a reason.
My show “Better Than Perfect”, the kick off to the “Women Are Perfect! (If You Let Them)” Campaign, will be up at Betti Ono Gallery in Oakland for Women’s History Month in March. Come out and celebrate our perfection.
For first generation Colombian American graffiti artist, Jessica Sabogal, art serves as a haven, a tribute, a creative outlet of adoration and exaltation for women with stories often untold. Her pieces possess a vision of female identity that is revolutionary and powerful, brave and beautiful. By utilizing a spray can, she aims to color her canvas by unraveling stories she once heard, lived, struggled, and loved.
- Stanford's Listen to the Silence Re-Answer
A few weeks ago I was invited to speak in what feels like my backyard, at Stanford’s Listen to the Silence Conference. It was my first time using a fully flushed out PowerPoint presentation that chronicled my weight loss journey and how TDS came about. Even though they say that it’s not about the PowerPoint, I hope the visuals made our story that more interesting.
I got to meet many wonderful people who are so passionate about our work (and are doing kick ass things in their own communities), and that has always been the icing on the top in all of this for me and Lynn. You tell us that we inspire you, but your enthusiasm, strength, and love are the things that keep me writing at close to 1 am in the morning.
At the end of my presentation, I received a question from an audience member that I would like to re-answer here. I think the question was something about how the students that I was talking to (most of them from Stanford, and other four-year colleges) are all well-educated. So how do I get the message out there to people who are not? I didn’t quite answer the question at that moment because I thought I was being asked about our outreach and how we can get our message to younger people, older people, so on.
After thinking about my session more, and specifically that question, I want to emphasize here that body image issues and eating disorders “don’t care” who you are, really. They can happen to any of us. Just because someone is attending or graduated from an Ivy League university or has a more affluent background doesn’t mean that they’re free from these insecurities and harmful thoughts. In fact, often times you’ll find that the most insecure people are the ones who are the most accomplished. To take myself as an example, my struggles with body image issues and my weight often feels more complicated precisely because I know that I should rise above all of that.
We all have so much to learn.
Thank you, Stanford, and especially the Taiwanese Cultural Society at Stanford for letting me be a part of this year’s festivities.
Love each other, and more importantly, love yourself.
- Lisa
P.S. Look who I was able to see? Our dear friends Phil (aka Angry Asian Man), Terry (Mr. Hyphen 2011), and Jenn (18 Million Rising).
- This is What a Feminist Looks Like
No matter how we have been defined throughout history, we always have power.
Happy International Women’s Day!
New York Times reporter and author of The Fortune Cookie Chronicles Jennifer 8. Lee’s TED Talk about fortune cookies, Chinese restaurants, and the origins of General Tso’s.
- On Our Radar: What NOT to Say to a Friend with an Eating Disorder
Some tips from Hubpages’ Maddie Ruud…personally we disagree with #4 since it’s Thick Dumpling Skin’s motto - but everyone is entitled to their own opinion!
- Why do you do that to yourself? There are many causes that feed into eating disorders, including cultural, emotional, and physical factors. Chances are, your friend or loved one isn’t happy about the thoughts and behaviors holding him or her hostage. This kind of question feels like an accusation, and immediately puts people on the defensive.
- You don’t look like you have an eating disorder! Eating disorders affect people of all shapes and sizes. In fact, 70 percent of women with eating disorders are at or above a healthy weight, but there is a lot of internal pressure to fit the stereotypical picture of a starving anorexic. It’s easy for the eating-disordered mind to take a comment like this as a criticism, even if you don’t mean it that way.
- Just eat healthy and be active. Food and weight are not the real problem. Telling someone with an eating disorder that he or she should just diet and exercise is like telling a drug addict to only shoot a little heroin. It minimizes the problem, and may very well be impossible advice to take!
- It’s what’s on the inside that counts. Even to people without eating disorders, this often sounds like, “You’re ugly. Get over it.” You might think it’s reassuring, but trust me. It’s better to move away from talking about appearance altogether, because it’s not the core issue.
- You look great right now! You don’t know what your friend’s natural weight would be if he or she were not practicing eating disorder behaviors. What if that natural weight is much higher than his or her current weight? You’ve just reinforced the idea that the eating disorder is a necessary evil for looking good.
- What was the last thing you ate? Once again, focussing on the food is just a smoke screen, a distraction from talking about the real problems causing the disorder. You should also be careful in assuming what behaviors your friend practices. Remember, not everyone with an eating disorder stops eating. There are many different kinds of eating disorders, and within each diagnosis, many different symptoms a person might have.
- I know someone else with an eating disorder, and s/he said… While there might be time down the road to share about the other eating disordered people in your life, when you first find out that your friend is struggling, you should focus on his or her experience alone. No two people are the same, so avoid making comparisons, and just listen.
- Just eat whatever you want. If only it were that simple. If you have no problems eating what you like without judging yourself, congratulations! But this conversation isn’t about you, and clearly, it’s more difficult for your friend. Instead of giving advice about a subject you don’t know much about, try to learn more about your friend’s struggles.
- So who are you taking to prom? Don’t change the subject. Moving too quickly to another topic will make your loved one feel like you aren’t interested, like you don’t care. I know it’s a hard thing to talk about, but try to honor the bravery it took to share, and stick with the conversation.
- … Silence may be golden, but there’s a time and a place for it.
Any other things you would add? Read the full article on Huffington Post.
Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.
Robert Tew (via viage)- Thank You!!!
Really appreciate all the feedback I got from the last post. Depression and grief are so difficult, but your support is incredibly helpful. I wanted to share just some of the advice I received, in hopes that it will help anyone else who is currently struggling.
- Grieving for a loved one, especially a parent, is tremendously painful and ongoing. There’s a part of us that’s lost with the passing of our loved one…The onset of sadness and depression over these losses is triggered by any little thing even to this day…
- It gets easier, it gets different, but it never goes away.
- Sometimes I’ll allow myself to just forget all that and take a day off to do whatever I want and feel crappy because emotions can’t die until they live. Journaling, praying, yoga all help me gain some grip back to myself again.
- I feel like I’ve found myself in that rut so many times lately…and I’ve found it most helpful to just sit in it and be tender with myself.
- Grief is a strange beast to deal with. It’ll hit you at unexpected moments. Head on, intense. And not care that you have an entire day ahead of planned, when you look at crullers and they remind you of someone you’ve lost. Sometimes, taking these moments and as much as they suck, living through them and thinking through them, is what helps us get through our agony and bereavement. It’s not an easy or fun realization we must have, (and everyone’s is different) but when you have yours, you slowly will feel better and better.
- Be where you are. It’s okay to let the sadness wash over you. Grieving takes time…realistically 1-2 years. Allow it to have its way with you and run its course and you will be okay on the other side.
- I’ve learned to accept that some days are just NOT fun. The hard part is convincing others that some days are just like that.
- I just want to let you know that you are not alone. You are not alone in your mourning. You are not alone in your failures. You are not alone in your (still not broken) dreams.
- At the end of the day it is not about some huge revelation waiting around the corner that will make it all suddenly better – at the end of the day, as I am slowly learning, it is about reaching back to the essentials of your life. Such as breathing, listening to your body, your mind…and breathing again. There is, I am finding, something very reassuring about realizing how much you are alive and how that alone is something to be so thankful for.
Thank you so much for voicing your own struggles and taking the time to let me know I’m not on my own. I wish I could write back to all of you personally; know that I’m overwhelmingly appreciative and grateful. Please continue to share.
- Lynn
- Skinny Jeans and Fat Pants
Today I put on a pair of jeans and they were super tight. This is the first time this has happened in almost 4 years.
I’m not surprised.
Lately, I’ve been feeling so incredibly sad. Angry. Unhappy. Out of control. I’ve been eating when I’m not hungry. I’ve been overstuffing myself when I’m feeling anxious. I am bored because I don’t have auditions, so I try to forget about how frustrated I am with my career, and make plans. And everything I plan revolves around food, of course. I don’t want people to worry about me, so I always eat. I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes, how to just be in the situation, so I eat more. I don’t want to think about how bad things are so I keep going until the only thing I feel is that old familiar feeling - I’m too full.
It’s not the sugar content. Or the fat content. Or the calories. Or that I need to add more vitamins and protein and greens. I’ve been eating the same things for years. Hearing this kind of dietary advice drives me batty. It made me believe I had control, when I didn’t. It led to many years of eating disorders.
It’s feeling like I can’t say no. It’s feeling like I don’t feel connected to who I am right now. And that I have to hide all of that.
I didn’t keep the pants on as a reminder, or a punishment, as I would have in the past. I really don’t want to allow something like this to upset me, when this is not the problem. So I put on a pair of jeans the next size up. I decided to have a day for me, where I do what I want, and eat what I want.
It’s not about the food, or what I look like.
What I’m going through now is so much more important than that. I’m mourning. I’m grieving. It fucking sucks, but I can’t try to change what this is. Those pants are going far, far away until I’m feeling better.
- Lynn
Happy Birthday Thick Dumpling Skin!
Can’t believe it’s been TWO YEARS. Here’s 2012’s celebration, where I got to be with my co-founder Lisa. Sadly, we spent the day apart this year, but a dumpling feast was still enjoyed (recap on The Actor’s Diet).
Thanks so much for all your support - please keep reading and spreading the word, so we can keep this going!
- Lynn
- We Turned Two!
I knew that our birthday was coming up, but I didn’t realize that it would be here so soon. Today, Thick Dumpling Skin officially turns two years old. What a blessing it has been.
I still remember Lynn’s Facebook message to me like it was yesterday:
i talk about my past eating struggles and body image on the blog, but it’s not really the overall focus (it’s more about the celebration and love i have for food). but when i heard your NPR interview (and read your article) i felt like i needed to reach out and talk more about this with someone who “gets it.” i don’t know where i wanna even go with this, but i want for there to be SOME kind of official resource for asian-americans who feel alone in this to know that they’re not.
Fast forward two years, and here we are. I am so grateful to Lynn for opening this door for us, because since then, we’ve had so many opportunities to connect with you and tell you that you, as you are, are enough.
I took a look at our archives and it has sure been a busy year for us. Here are just a few highlights:
- Tumblr took an awesome step and banned self-harming blogs.
- We made an appearance on APEX Express, KPFA 94.1 FM.
- We sat down with Mr. Hyphen, Terry Park, to talk about how body image issues affect Asian American males.
- We launched our podcast!
- Lynn was named NEDA’s newest celebrity ambassador.
- We launched the Real Bodies Manifesto, using pictures to say a thousand words.
- And more!
Someone once told me that a blog’s usual lifespan is six months. Well, if that’s true, then I hope this is an indication that TDS is here to stay, and here to continue making a difference.
We have a pretty big announcement coming up in March, so stay tuned. We can’t wait to share it with you.
I am heading out the door now to celebrate with friends and family who have been our number one fans from the beginning. You have too, so thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.
- Lisa
They say “A girl’s first love is her daddy.” I’m not gonna argue with this, because I know everyone’s family is different - but for me this was definitely the case. Being the baby, and the only female, I was definitely my father’s little princess.
Even though I’ve since found my “real” Prince Charming (Abe and I are celebrating 10 years of marriage in April) I recently learned one of life’s harshest lessons. Love doesn’t actually last forever.
My dad died very unexpectedly. All the things I had envisioned for my life disappeared that day. Around the same time, my longtime therapist, who I’d been seeing on/off for many years, was undergoing her own medical issues and could no longer talk.
Suddenly, I lost two people who told me they would always be there for me. I know the answer is not to replace them, but it’s also important to move forward.
After my father passed I went to see somebody new, and stopped because it felt like too much work - starting all over again from the beginning, with the story of all my issues. But finding a therapist, like any relationship, is a personal one. You can’t just give up on it when you need it, just because you haven’t found the right match.
So this February 14th, I’m showing myself some love by starting again. And if she doesn’t work out, I’ll have to try another professional talk to. For as long as I need to. It won’t be forever, I know that. I won’t find another father, but I need to keep him alive in my heart. And talking about him once a week seems to be a good way to do just that.
- Lynn
- The Real Bodies Manifesto: Laury Thammavong
Up next on The Real Bodies Manifesto model profile series: Laury Thammavong.
“When I think about real bodies, I literally think about redefining beauty to embody more than what the dominant cultures glamorize. I think it’s about self acceptance, empowerment, radical self love, continuing to sustain critical consciousness, and seeing the power and perfections in our very own imperfections and helping others see theirs.”
Name:
Laury Thammavong
Occupation:
Aspiring law student
How do you do good?
My whole life I’ve been told that my face is too full to rock the pixie bob haircut I’ve always wanted, or that my chest is too flat for tube tops, or that my body is too short to wear all the vintage clothes that make me happy. So for the longest time, I hid my body under ordinary clothes and resisted the urge to come home with ones that I really wanted or loved. It wasn’t until I survived multiple accounts of sexual assault and abusive relationships and immersed myself in radical feminism and womyn’s empowerment for me to recognize that if I’m always afraid of what other people think or bury myself (or my body for that matter) under a rock, then I will have already given all my oppressors the satisfaction of keeping me down and worse, either knowingly or unknowingly, reproduce some of the systematic structures of oppression. It wasn’t long before I recognized that life’s too short to deprive myself of radical self love. I got the haircut of my dreams, sport it in tube tops when the sun is out, rock my vintage clothes, and more importantly, reclaim my love for my beautiful SEA heritage, my body, my mind, my spirit, the way I want to live my life, and yes, my fabulous SEA eco-feminist and vintage fashion lovin’ vagina.
When I think about real bodies, I literally think about redefining beauty to embody more than what the dominant cultures glamorize. I think it’s about self acceptance, empowerment, radical self love, continuing to sustain critical consciousness, and seeing the power and perfections in our very own imperfections and helping others see theirs. It’s about depth and diversifying, if not revolutionizing, perceptions of beauty, power, and humanity. Embracing our real bodies, our real selves no matter how different- now that’s powerful, and it’s my belief in this that has lead me to embark on a feminist career to empower marginalize communities especially womyn and girls. Fighting for the rights of people and the environment can mean anything from standing in protests, organizing a march, typing city council items, shopping local, recycling, or helping children feel safe and realize their unrecognized beauty and power.
As a Southeast Asian Laotian American vagina warrior, former feminist organizer, and minority and environmental rights activist, and a proud daughter and sister of a refugee family, I seek to not only empower myself and others who have also survived violence and trauma, but to reclaim our entitlements to safety whether it’s at home, at work, our communities, and/or our very own bodies.
Where do you find inspiration?
The first place that comes to mind in terms of where I find inspiration is people. I’ve had the blessed pleasure of being immersed in communities full of people who inspire every single day whether they be my family, my friends, leaders at conferences, insightful strangers, and even children. I find that people have a powerful presence of their own and my favorite is when they actually realize it. I also find inspiration in people who are empowered and at peace with themselves. A wide variety of other things inspire me. Some of which include art, decolonized creativity, politics, books, spirituality, nature, my ancestors, working out, and my personal experiences with discrimination are all places of inspiration for me.
What do you love the most about yourself and why?
I love my courage. Sometimes I forget that I have it until I find myself doing things like being the lone person challenging patriarchal rituals during the Buddhist ceremonies at home, or heading out the door in the wind and rain by myself to the protest, breaking stereotypes, or having the courage to come back to school and graduate after a difficult decade, or allowing myself to expose my skin wearing what I want to wear, and living how I want to live my life whether or not it’s validated. My courage makes me resilient, deep, and in love with life.
Check out The Real Bodies Manifesto lookbook here and the video here.
- On Our Radar: Mixed Weight Relationships
Leily tipped us off about this great article on “Mixed Weight Relationships” by Anna Almendrala over at HuffPost. It documents the fine line between accepting ourselves for who we are, and trying to do so with people who want what’s the “best” for us when it comes to how much we weigh.
I’ll be the first one to admit that I don’t know where that fine line is. Most days I feel pretty good about myself and am thankful for the soft lines of my body. Other days, I feel down because I want to be “healthier,” and healthier in my mind (and my doctor’s mind) means losing the weight that I’ve always carried for as long as I can remember.
I don’t know, and after years of being told that what I look like is just below the bar, I am skeptical. Even when my parents tell me that it might be better for my knees or my heart if I lost some weight, I’m usually already resentful that I turn rebellious and drown their voices out.
The only thing that I can say is that all of this is a test of listening, listening to yourself and your body, and I am still working hard on that.
Sometimes he teased me about the “enormous sacrifice” he was making because we didn’t have any junk food or chocolate in the house because of whatever diet I was on at the time. I’d roll my eyes at his theatrics.
But little did he know that for a while last year, I would go to Target on the days I knew he wouldn’t be home until late. I’d buy a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food, finish it before he came home and then throw the trash in the dumpster. It felt like cheating — especially when I would act astonished, just astonished! — when another week of dieting would result in a net gain. He was carrying my pain with me when I hit roadblock after roadblock, but I was never completely truthful with him about the steps I was (and wasn’t) taking to reach my goal.
Eventually the half-truths and disappointment were too much to bear, and in late 2012 I decided that enough was enough. Now, I didn’t have the kind of breakthrough Al Roker had (he described his point of no return as “it clicked for me”). Instead, I decided I was over all the dieting and bingeing drama, that I loved our life together, I loved my job and myself and I was happy. If I lost weight, great. If I stayed heavy, so be it. That led to our worst fight ever over my weight.
“That’s not acceptable,” he said. “You have to try.”
“Why?” I asked. “Why do I have to try?” Because. Because my doctor wants me to lose weight. Because obesity is linked to a lot of diseases. Because my Dad is pre-diabetic. Because being fat makes future conception and pregnancy difficult. Because he loves me and he doesn’t want to see me unhappy anymore.
I knew all these things, but I still flew into a sobbing rage and walked out of the apartment — an alarming escalation of our usually quiet and weepy fights.
“If you can’t accept me for who I am, then you’d better get yourself a mistress,” I spat at him before I left. I drove to the nearby Pavilions and cried in the parking lot. I called my mom and she prayed with me over the phone, asking God to strengthen my marriage. Looking back, I was a real drama queen!
We ended the fight by “compromising,” (ha) which for now means I forbid him to ever mention my weight, dieting or exercise again.
It seems extreme, but just like in Al Roker’s relationship, Simon’s silence is helping to heal this sore spot in our marriage. I no longer turn to him for understanding on this subject. Why should I? He has no idea what it’s like to feel like a failure on the scale or to feel hungry at night because all your calories are used up for the day.
Read the entire article here.
- Lisa
P.S. Recap on “Listen to the Silence” at Stanford coming soon. Accidentally left my laptop at the security checkpoint in DC. #genius
Know something that should be On Our Radar? Contact us!
- Happy Year of the Snake!
Today, and every day that follows, remember to listen to yourself and decide what’s right for you.
Also, check out this piece that Lisa wrote on BlogHer last year about what the Chinese Lunar New Year means to her.
Happy New Year!
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Tweets
- just noticed that the name of her piece is called leaning in. ha. love Mindy Kaling. http://t.co/EtFLr5rJ6j
- my cofounder Lynn Chen will be speaking at stanford tomorrow! ... and of course i am not there. alas, two ships... http://t.co/rCgRY9MePN
- any friends in chicago?
- new hairdo. http://t.co/OWMCb9TQwb
- the best way to start a vacation. http://t.co/IiQAmyKKwu
- Wayne told me that my women engineers brunch is "legit." um, best compliment ever! shhh it's only because Goranka is legit.
- RT @mozilla: Signed up yet for the biggest Mozilla #MakerParty yet? Learn to code, party with your friends: http://t.co/Yd8qsABfoh
- @VickyToriaLi @dartmouth thank you so much for having me!
- RT @VickyToriaLi: Thank you @rrrlisarrr for coming to @dartmouth to speak about #bodyimage for #APAHM2013 http://t.co/DbBluyI63b
- RT @ceeline: @rrrlisarrr @gitnyc #fbgit thank you so much! tonight's panel discussion was so inspiring and I learned so much!
- inappropriate. @ Craft http://t.co/zKF65CdiND
- cheese soufflé at #gorankasbrunch: facebook's tech series for tech serious women. @ Craft http://t.co/Qu1o0p8COa
- a couple of forevers.
- lincoln. @ Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts http://t.co/CQKDZRSZLj
- thought i was done with ball gowns damn it.
- Why We Do All Need To Be Talking About Our Eating Disorders http://t.co/aF8aJslYM7
- level 4. http://t.co/QmmQnnDTbr
- facebook ready for #uncubed nyc! come learn about what we do. @ Metropolitan Pavilion http://t.co/pUlKQc0w2C
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Photos
